im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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