you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
