I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
