Sry I called you an 8
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
