i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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