my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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