problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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