i would punch a child for taco bell
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
