hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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