I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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