She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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