I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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