youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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