two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
