Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and she was petting her beer can
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
