i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
