so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
