they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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