never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
