better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
