We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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