The best revenge is premature balding
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
