you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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