i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
