Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
