My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
