I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
