i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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