i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
