I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
