i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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