i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
