So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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