Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
