I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize