We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
