none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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