I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
