When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
