I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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