We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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