My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
