im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
