none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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