It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
