Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
