Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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