man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
zippers are such a cool invention
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
