Plan B is the new Plan A
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize