I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
