Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
