At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
