the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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