The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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