I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
