Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
They are going to name an STD after you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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