PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
