you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
