We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
