Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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