i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
