I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
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Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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