dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
