Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the condom got lost in my hair
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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