just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
