did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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