someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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