So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
