Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
