Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
