I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
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there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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