did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
