3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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